A Short Confession

I am almost done with college--well, if nine months yet to go counts as "almost." Some days, it seems forever. But I know it is coming. When this scene of my life ends, and the curtain falls for another act to begin--what then?

Will I be able to find a job in this chosen field of mine? Do I even want a job? Actually, I couldn't care less. Five years of hard work, and a lot of money--I must be really crazy if I confess that I would happily forego the glittering future this education has earned me--and trade it for a simple life. To be the wife of one good man who fears God. To live in a little one or two room house on a bit of land and grow a garden. Raise chickens. Be an integral part of a sweet little church that's filled with people who truly know God and overflow with his grace. Have a whole troupe of our own children and school them at my kitchen table. And grow old this way.

This is the life for which I yearn.

And this is what He says: Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart...

So I try--failing, yes, many times--but every once in awhile, in a still moment when I sit at my desk in the wee hours of the morning, before the sun is up, I catch a flickering glimpse of what this contentment is. To be wholly satisfied only in knowing Him. He becomes that desire. And oddly enough, just when I teeter on the brink of being so lost in Him that nothing else in this world could matter at all--it is then that I'm given a quiet confidence that these things, these sweet--albeit earthly--dreams, will come to pass--when the Lord's hour is at hand.

And so I wait.