On Singleness

My girls and I are just starting a group read-through of John Piper and Wayne Grudem's book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. This past week, the girls read the two prefaces and the forward. This email, sent out today, addresses the topic of singleness discussed in this portion of the book. Reading this excellent book will help you understand what I'm addressing in this email:

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Good morning girls! (I always start out these emails with "good morning," but by the time I finish them it's afternoon....or evening!)

I trust you are having a good week. Remember, "good" doesn't mean life is going well around us; it means our souls are knit to God and we are trusting him moment by moment, submitting to the influence of the Holy Spirit, being filled with his peace and his self-sacrificing love, and busily devoting ourselves to serving him with a right attitude. The world can crumble to bits, everyone around you might let you down, and all your nice plans go out the window . . . and you can still be having a good week.

I read from Matthew today, and as often happens, there was a reference to Matthew 19 in the forward to Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, which I was also reading. The verses go like this:

²⁷ Then Peter said in reply, “See, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?” ²⁸ Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. ²⁹ And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. ³⁰ But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

I hope you have been able to read our selected portions from the RBMW book this week, and fill out your vocab list and journal page. I promise, the vocab list for this coming week is quite a bit shorter!

Maybe you felt like the readings this week don't really apply to you yet. Much of the foreword talked about lifelong singleness. I realize that this is probably not where you are right now in your concerns and thoughts, but I think this chapter was good for a few reasons:

1) You are single now. You may not think of yourself as single, because you aren't really old enough for marriage yet, and haven't considered this much yet. But, you aren't a little girl anymore either, and you are joining the ranks of us "older girls" who have been walking on this road for quite some time.

2) It is highly unlikely that our entire email group of girls in this prayer group will remain single for the entirety of their lives. So, chances are singleness won't apply to you for very long. Maybe a few years, and then you could be launched into wedded life. However, you will always have single friends, and you must understand singleness and marriage from a Biblical perspective if you are to be an effective friend to those people.

3) Some of you will likely experience a prolonged period of time where you aren't sure if marriage is God's will for you. Not all of us are married at nineteen. I have friends who have waited into their thirties or forties before being married. Singleness can be a difficult road, and if it is God's will for you to walk this path for any number of years, you will benefit greatly from understanding it early, now, through this study. You will need time to adjust your perspective of men, women, adulthood, sexuality, marriage and singleness in light of God's word.

4) Because you are single now, it is the appropriate time to develop habits and priorities that will save you much grief if you should ever experience a long period of singleness. Girls who daydream about marriage, fantasize about dreamy men and romantic notions do themselves much harm if God calls them to a time of singleness. Loneliness, anger, and unbridled fantasies wreak havoc on their souls and attitudes. By carefully reigning your affections in now, and cultivating a balanced, realistic view of marriage and singleness, you are preparing yourself to receive whatever status God in his sovereignty should choose to give you.

We will talk more about this tomorrow after church when we meet. Here is a prayer for you to think about:

"I cannot be certain that I will ever marry. I must not be repulsed by or afraid of lifelong singleness. I must trust You to care for me tenderly. I must not idolize marriage. I must not fantasize about marriage. I must busy my heart with knowing You more. I ask for peace and a right attitude. I am earnestly seeking Your will for my life, and I accept with joy whatever work You call me to do, married or single. Keep me gentle and tender; but O Lord, hedge me in and comfort me with Your perfect love when singleness makes me sad. Fill me with vision and joy. Let nothing and no one take Your place on the throne of my heart."