A Bitter Weed

From tonight's email:

Hello, dear girls! Ninety days by the grace of God; many times I've fought to keep my eyes open as I wrote to you, but you know what--if I didn't write, I didn't read, so you all have held me accountable to be into God's precious word for this many days. Thank you, thank you. :) I love you each!

Today's reading is from Mark 9 and 10. In these chapters, there is a section that says this:

". . . And Jesus called them [the disciples] to him and said to them, 'You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.' " --Mark 10:42-45

This isn't a new idea to us, but it is oh, so hard to live. You must understand how deeply, deeply selfish we are. Our thoughts and interests naturally default to satisfying ourselves, promoting ourselves, and focusing on ourselves, to the exclusion and belittlement of other people. Selfishness isn't something that has a characteristic feature to it--it comes in as many variations as there are people. We all think of the obnoxious, greedy types as "obviously" selfish--but the truth is, the quiet, shy ones among us are equally self absorbed.

Think about this: Pride can manifest in NOT wanting the limelight as much as it shows up in those who want to steal the show all the time. If you are so self-absorbed that you can't acknowledge or honor other people's desire to care about you and recognize you, then you are just as selfish as the girl who walks into church bragging about something she wants to be praised for.

Selflessness is about OTHER people, not about our own "comfort zone." Am I too nervous and shy to greet a visitor? Bingo, selfishness--I'm too concerned with my own interests to step out of my shell and reach out to another person who may be having a much worse day than I am, might be in the middle of a crisis, could be on the verge of tears, or have just suffered some hidden tragedy and desperately needs a friendly smile and a hello. If I withhold that warmth and affection because I'm too selfish to stop putting myself first and start caring about other people, I am no better off than the worst, most blatant selfishness we can think of, and I am certainly not exhibiting the heart attitude of a humble servant of Jesus Christ.

I hope you take the time to examine your heart, and do it soon. We've all got that horrible weed trying to put down roots in us, that ugly, invasive pride of life that is the taproot of all kinds of sin. But before you despair, and more importantly, before you try to change yourself and fail and then feel miserable, let me remind you of this: you cannot change your heart. God changes hearts. It is he who purges all sin, including the sin of selfishness, from us, if we humbly repent and ask for forgiveness for the hours wasted in self-love. He will change you. You cannot win this one without him; it is futile and you'll be discouraged quickly. But with the power of the Holy Spirit conforming you into the image of Jesus, you will WIN and you will see your old self being crucified and you'll understand what it's like to glory in the joy of the Lord. It's amazing how freeing it is to stop being in love with yourself!

Don't let yourself off the hook with excuses (i.e., "I'm just an introvert, she wouldn't understand me," "I have tried to reach out and nobody appreciates it," "I'm not nearly as selfish as so-and-so," "I think I'm doing pretty well," etc). That's the easy way out, and believe me, it is comfy now, but it stings like a hornet later. I know of a girl who allowed subtle selfishness to reside in a quiet corner of her heart--it only displayed itself once in awhile, but it was there. And all of a sudden, when a time came when something (or someone) arrived in her life that was worth being totally unselfish for, she was too late, and missed it. Her true character showed itself, and she lost a precious opportunity. And it was a bitter loss--he found another girl with a gentle, healing spirit of humility who (he rightly saw) would be a far more desirable lifelong friend and wife. Oh, sweet girls, don't let that be your story! Ask the Lord to show you where selfishness resides, and then beg him to burn it out of you and make you a holy, loving servant to all.

It is a far better way.