I had to stay home last weekend while my family went to a conference about homeschooling and family discipleship. I wanted to go, but alas, a major, 160 question, nerve-wracking exit nursing examination was scheduled smack in the middle of it, so I couldn't go. They came home on Sunday, beaming. Inspired. Renewed. Excited. And with bag-fulls of new books and audio lectures.
They came home filled with hope to see that there are still people left in the world who love the LORD their God with all of their hearts, souls, and minds, and teach their children to love His law as well. It was good that they went.
I, however, have been in a bit of a rut. Perhaps "stalemate" would be a better word. Not afraid, not discouraged, not frustrated--I can't pinpoint it. Worn out? Burned out? Wishing the future would hurry up and pan out so I could see how things will settle? Needing more sleep? Or, all of the above.
I want to plant a garden. But, should I bother if I won't be here to tend it? The two sheep need to be sheared. Where will I store the wool if this isn't the year I can learn to spin? I have too many horses. Which ones should I sell before I move in a mere ten weeks? Who will want them anyway? When will I find time to trim the goats' hooves? And, the "check engine" light came on in my car and it started rattling. And, we have to squeeze in a post-graduation barbecue somewhere in the 24 hours before two of our guys head to Alaska for a commercial fishing season. So much to do. Plans are a-whirling. Everything's jumbled up.
In the midst of the hum, I hear, "Be still." And know that I am God.
Yes, yes. I will. I have forgotten to be still. I have forgotten to cultivate contented joy with the flurry of each day, learning to live in this limbo land of not-quite-jelled plans. They will become clear in time, in His time, when it is right to reveal them to me. It is hard to be still when pulled in a thousand directions, hard to dim the buzzing world out and think about Him. Talk to Him. Ponder what He says. Tune for His pull on the heart.
And be still.
Yes! A crossroad! Those of us who throw ourselves into the stream of the Will of God find these places where our rational mind wants order and blueprints when it is God's timing to show our hearts what He can pull out of chaos!
ReplyDeleteIt is also good to remember that there is opposition in all things, so be aware when bringing something of eternal good to pass...the adversary tries many ways to thwart our progress.
I hope it is a comfort to know that my alpaca fiber is still hanging from last year waiting for me to process it, but this was not the year for me to learn to spin either!
:-)
You have had the great privilege to be so very rooted in a wonderful setting. But...as you have nurtured your life in the Lord, you have committed to do His will. This has some elements of un-rootedness in it. If we are ready to move as He moves us we become less attached to things. It requires great heart, great faith, and great commitment to move forward into the place he is preparing for us.
You are so right...He is always to be found in that still place, especially if we have knelt in humility. I think you are a little homesick already! Best blessings, Brenna. Let your light shine out of the stillness...
Love you Bren :) and everything will sort out eventually :)
ReplyDelete