50 Questions for My Future Husband

When I was a young teen, it was popular in my circle of friends to write lists of characteristics we hoped for in a husband someday. Some of our criteria was reasonable, much of it silly. After that time, I began to greatly dislike writing such lists, and I threw all mine away. I didn't like the "grocery shopping" feeling that list-writing gave me. I had experienced the uncomfortable feeling of being likened to a piece of feminine merchandise, up on the shelf next to all the other pretty church girls, so perhaps my intense dislike for petty checklists was more reactionary than it should have been. Even so, I threw out all lists, criteria, and qualifications, and thought no more about it for several years.

In the last year, I realized the practicality of having some clearly defined criteria of what things can or cannot be negotiated when finding a mate. This new appreciation came chiefly out of my dismay as I saw some friends of mine fall for and marry men that were, to put it nicely, losers. These were scrupulous, Christian girls who thought they would be strong and sensible, but had failed to plan ahead and as a result, made the biggest error of their lives.

I'm still not a fan of lists. I hate putting people into a box. I've never liked applications or surveys. But, after many weeks of thinking, praying, and revising, I came up with a list that contained only six simple, non-negotiable items, and two negotiable ones. I'm not posting it here for obvious reasons; it is customized to who I am and what things I value most in this life. It is a list meant to flag non-compatibility in life's biggest issues right from the get-go, thus averting future disaster.

Along the same line, I began thinking about what questions I would want to have answered from my future husband. Here is a list of 50 questions I came up with. I realize many are sober in nature, but wouldn't it be awful to commit your life to someone with some of these things unanswered? There are also some glaring omissions that one might consider essential--questions about salvation, etc. Those fundamental issues are covered in my first list, so are not repeated here. Write your own list of questions that would weigh on your heart until answered. I may not ever use these, but the writing of them helped me shape in my heart and mind the issues that are most important to me as I consider the rest of my life spent in service to the Lord, fully aware that the choices I make in life's biggest arenas will determine a future of either delight or disaster.

50 Questions for My Future Husband

1) If I developed a debilitating mental illness (example: schizophrenia) and became a threat to you or our children, what would you do?

2) If I was in an unresponsive coma, most likely for life, what would you do?

3) Under what circumstances would you seek to divorce me?

4) If I was unable to have children, how would you feel? What would you do?

5) If I died suddenly, what are your plans for taking care of yourself and raising our children? Would you consider remarrying?

6) What do you believe about spanking?

7) If another person was making inappropriate or flirtatious advances on me, how would you want me to go about including you and ending it?

8) What are your expectations for me to keep healthy and beautiful for you, even as my body changes with childbearing? (Weight gain/loss, stretch marks, etc)

9) How important is it to you that I wear makeup, style my hair, and dress attractively?

10) How do you feel about adoption, raising children of different ethnicities, and interracial marriage?

11) If I became disfigured through illness or injury, how would you feel and what would you do?

12) Because of my work history in the medical field, how would you feel if I was ever included in a court case or lawsuit, even years from now?

13) How would we handle the death of one of our children?

14) How will you keep yourself guarded from pornography and other sexual sins, and hold yourself accountable to me (and anyone else)?

15) How important is it to you to pray for your spouse? To pray with your spouse?

16) How important is it to you that we regularly do fun things together that we both enjoy?

17) How do you plan to fulfill your role as provider without sacrificing important time spent with your wife and family?

18) How interested or receptive will you be to making any lifestyle or dietary changes in an effort to make ourselves healthier?

19) What constitutes a “major purchase,” and at what amount of money should both spouses be consulted before a purchase is made?

20) What are your views on credit cards? How do you feel about debt? How much debt are you willing to carry, and for what reasons?

21) What are your views on contraception? Under what circumstances would you consider preventing conception for a time?

22) How important is it to you to have money to spend on your hobbies and interests?

23) How important is it to you that I keep a clean, organized home?

24) Under what circumstances would you be willing to be apart from me and our children for an extended period of time (mission trip, etc.)?

25) How do you plan to implement spiritual leadership in our home, and what can I do to help set up a family discipleship plan that works for us?

26) What do you think about spouses having separate email or social networking accounts?

27) When was a time I’ve ever embarrassed you by my speech, dress, behavior, or other conduct?

28) Have I ever made you feel uncomfortable by how I interact with other men?

29) How should we manage holidays and birthdays with both sides of our family?

30) What is the thing that I might do that would hurt or damage you the most?

31) What kind of secret is justified in being withheld from a spouse?

32) What should I do if I think you’re irritated or angry at something I’ve said or done?

33) How should we use and manage electronic devices and media consumption in our home?

34) How are we going to manage the internet in our home?

35) What will we do if you and I hold differing viewpoints on some Bible doctrines?

36) What would make me unattractive or undesirable to you?

37) What will we do for our parents in their older years when they need care and can no longer live alone?

38) What would you change about me, if you could?

39) What attracted you to me the most?

40) What are you most afraid of?

41) How do you feel about displays of physical affection in public? How much is too much?

42) How do you feel about women speaking up and contributing in church?

43) How would we help if one of our siblings fell on hard financial times?

44) What makes you angry?

45) What gives you the most joy?

46) How do you plan to be involved in the home-schooling of our children?

47) How do you feel about the use of slang, popular catch-phrases, sarcasm, and other irreverent or casual speech in our home?

48) What are your thoughts on owning pets or livestock?

49) How do you understand your role in carrying out the Great Commission with your God-given gifts and 

personality? 

50) What is your love language (the best way for me to communicate my love for you)?

The JOY of Giving

I realize my posts have been a bit somber as of late. So, tonight, I'm thinking about the joy of generosity and the heart attitude of a true Christian--cheerful giving. Here's an excerpt from tonight's email to the girls, on our one hundred and twentieth day of reading the Word and writing to our sisters in Christ!

Hello, dear girls!

Exodus 25 begins, "The Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the people of Israel, that they take for me a contribution. From every man whose heart moves him you shall receive the contribution for me." (ESV) The NKJV reads, " Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying: “Speak to the children of Israel, that they bring Me an offering. From everyone who gives it willingly with his heart you shall take My offering." The chapter then goes on to describe the various offerings of precious metals, fine linens, prized fibers and pelts, wood, oils, incense, perfume, spices and jewels for the building of the tabernacle. The giving was so abundant that the Israelites later had to be restrained from giving any more, so ample was the supply of treasure for the house of the LORD.

What I love is how God asks the willing heart to give. And when the tender, willing, generous heart gives, there is an abundance. The Old Testament transitions seamlessly into the New as its themes are carried over again in 2 Corinthians ch. 9 v. 7: "Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

Proverbs 11:25 "Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered."

Isaiah 32:8 "But a generous man devises generous things, And by generosity he shall stand."

The Bible is full of teaching on generosity. The truth is that a willing, giving heart is a characteristic of true believers. True Christians love to give, even if they have practically nothing as far as material possessions goes. They share out of what the Lord has given to them, and he greatly values and blesses such a heart. Lots of people don't tithe anymore, yet there are lots of people who do still tithe--but I once heard an excellent sermon on why Christians should think again if they consider themselves generous people by tithing 10% of their income to the church. This speaker said Christians should cultivate a heart of joyful, ecstatic giving, and delight in sharing 20%, 30% or more of the abundance they have been given! Definitely a revolutionary thought for the hundreds of comfortable, well-to-do people listening to his message--myself included.

Materialism, entitlement, and a false sense of ownership run deep in our American culture. Be wary of this anti-Christlike attitude. We don't own the things we have, God does! Who do we think we are to hoard them? It doesn't matter if we're selfish with our money, time, food, prayers, friendship, energy, skills, service or anything else--it is not right to keep these things only for ourselves. They are to be used to bless others and ease their burdens, and show the tangible hands and feet of our Savior's love to those around us. Not doing so is damaging to our effectiveness as ambassadors for Jesus. For example, are you leaving gospel tracts at restaurants? OK, good--but you better leave a good tip too, because actions and generosity pack a powerful punch to back up your witness. Do other people know you're a Christian, but get the vibes that you don't really care whether or not they exist, and you're certainly not going to offer them anything that they might be needing? Such an attitude is about as effective at lighting up a dark world as a dollar-store flashlight with half a battery. Don't be a spiritual Scrooge. Not only is it unpleasant for yourself and everybody else, on a much more serious note, it is in direct disobedience to God's commands to his children. And we're 100% in, remember? All or nothing. None of this lukewarm business.

I would like to encourage you to think about this and consider what things God has given to you and your family that you could be more generous with. If you're drawing a blank, pray that He will show you how to be more generous, not only in sharing whatever you've been given, but also in developing the heart of a joyful giver, and then pray earnestly for opportunities to GIVE! Be creative--you'll be surprised at the plethora of things that can be shared.

Love always,
Brenna